Reclaiming Charity in Argument
All too often arguments do little but breed tension and anger. They cause conflict and separation between people when they should do the exact opposite. Arguments exist for the ultimate good of creating harmony and unity through a better understanding of each other’s positions for the sake of discovering the truth. Indeed, men have always argued with one another to come together in search of truth. However, when an argument strays from this end of the search for truth, it loses focus of an essential aspect of disagreement: charity. When deprived of charity, our arguments can devolve into a pointless battle for superiority. On both sides, we must remember this pursuit of truth is a shared journey. In order to reclaim the true nature of this pursuit, we must reintegrate charity through the following four ways.
First, we must remember that truth is a gift, not a weapon. On either side of the argument, the person should be trying to enlighten the other person, to share the truth with another person. The truth is a precious treasure which we ought to give with joy and love. If, in an argument, we beat one another over the head with what we believe is – probably incorrectly – the truth or use it to place ourselves higher than the other, then we are failing. As St. Paul aptly mentions, “If I speak with the tongues of men, and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal” (1 Cor 13:1). We must always remember that the reason we are trying to give something beautiful to each other is ultimately out of love.
Second, remember that each party within the argument is a person. We are speaking to another person who was created in the image of God with emotions as well as an intellect. If we want the other person to work with us to arrive at the truth, then we must remember to speak with kindness and patience. Inversely, the person arguing with you is striving towards the same end that you are: the truth. He desires that you understand the truth with him. Sometimes, you might find yourself on the receiving end of the truth rather than giving it. Treat the person as you would a friend.
Third, listen and seek to understand. Often arguments devolve because of misunderstanding and miscommunication. How can we hope to convince another person if we do not fully grasp what argument they are putting forward? If neither party listens to one another, it leads to talking over each other and misconstruing each other’s views. Before responding, listen to the person’s claims, and earnestly seek to understand them.
Fourth, interpret their argument in the best possible light. Often in an argument we try to “straw man” the other person’s assertion and make it weaker when in fact we should do the opposite. An excellent model of this charitable approach is St. Thomas Aquinas. In his Summa, he lists the objections first, giving them credibility and presenting them in a favorable light. To imitate this practice, we should give the person the benefit of the doubt that what they are conveying has merit. Perhaps our understanding of the other person’s position is lacking. Repeat their argument back as best you can to them for clarification; then respond.
Charity is a necessary part of all arguments. Take away charity, and we no longer recognize argumentation’s whole purpose: seeking the truth together. Without love, we cannot properly give the truth to another, nor can we receive it. Truth and love are integrally connected. As Pope Benedict XVI explains, “Only in truth does charity shine forth, only in truth can charity be authentically lived.”1 Love is the branch from which the truth blooms; without charity, truth cannot spring forth. Whenever we argue, we must remember that we are doing so because we are striving for the truth together, and that charity must be at the heart of this pursuit.
Benedict XVI, Caritas in Veritate (29 June 2009), Vatican translation: Charity in Truth. The Holy See Online (accessed September 27, 2024).